Dating can be tricky, especially when you’re not sure if your partner has your best interests at heart. Narcissists can be charming and exciting at first, but their self-centered behavior can cause real problems in relationships.
Knowing the signs of narcissism can help you protect yourself from heartache and toxic relationships. This article will explore 25 red flags that might mean you’re dating a narcissist. We’ll look at common behaviors and attitudes that narcissists often display, so you can spot them early and decide if it’s time to run!
1) Constant Need for Admiration
Do you feel like you’re always giving compliments but rarely get any in return? A narcissist craves praise like a plant craves sunlight. They need constant validation to feel good about themselves.
You might notice your partner fishing for compliments. They’ll ask things like “How do I look?” or “Wasn’t that smart of me?” all the time. It’s exhausting!
Narcissists often brag about their achievements, even small ones. They’ll tell everyone about that time they got an A on a test in high school. They want you to be impressed by everything they do.
If you don’t shower them with praise, they might get upset or pout. They need your admiration to feel worthy. It’s like filling a bucket with a hole in the bottom – no matter how much you give, it’s never enough.
Watch out for someone who always steers conversations back to themselves. They want to be the center of attention in every situation. Your stories and experiences don’t matter as much to them.
2) Lack of Empathy
Do you feel like your partner doesn’t really care about your feelings? This might be a big red flag. Narcissists often struggle to put themselves in other people’s shoes.
They might brush off your problems or make everything about them. When you’re upset, they may not comfort you. Instead, they might get annoyed or change the subject.
You might notice they don’t ask about your day or seem interested in your life. They may talk over you or ignore what you’re saying. It’s like they can’t see beyond their own needs and wants.
This lack of empathy can leave you feeling alone in the relationship. You might always be the one giving support, with little in return. It’s hard to build a real connection when one person can’t understand or care about the other’s feelings.
Remember, healthy relationships are based on mutual care and understanding. If your partner can’t show empathy, it might be time to think about what you really need from a relationship.
3) Gaslighting
Ever feel like you’re going crazy? Your partner might be gaslighting you. This sneaky tactic makes you doubt your own reality.
Does your date always deny things they said or did? Do they twist your words and make you question your memory? That’s gaslighting in action.
You might start to feel confused and unsure of yourself. Your partner may say “That never happened” or “You’re too sensitive.” They’re trying to control how you see things.
Watch out for blame-shifting too. A gaslighting narcissist will rarely take responsibility. Instead, they’ll find ways to make everything your fault.
Trust your gut. If something feels off, it probably is. Don’t let anyone make you doubt your own experiences and feelings.
Gaslighting can really mess with your head. It’s a serious red flag in any relationship. If you spot this behavior, it might be time to rethink things.
4) Entitlement and Arrogance
Does your partner act like they’re better than everyone else? Narcissists often believe they deserve special treatment. They may cut in line or demand the best table at a restaurant.
You might notice your date talking down to waiters or shop assistants. They act like rules don’t apply to them. When things don’t go their way, they get angry fast.
Narcissists love to brag about their achievements. They’ll tell you how smart, talented, or successful they are. But they rarely show interest in your accomplishments.
They might make fun of others to feel superior. Your date could mock someone’s clothes or job to boost their own ego. This behavior shows a lack of empathy.
Watch out for a partner who always needs to be right. They might argue over small details just to prove a point. It’s hard for them to admit when they’re wrong.
Remember, a healthy relationship is about give and take. If your date always puts themselves first, it’s a red flag. You deserve someone who treats you as an equal.
5) Belittling Others
Does your partner often put others down? This could be a red flag. Narcissists love to make themselves feel bigger by making others feel smaller.
You might notice them criticizing friends, family, or even strangers. They may mock people’s looks, jobs, or choices. Sometimes they do this openly, other times behind people’s backs.
Why do they do this? It’s all about boosting their own ego. By pointing out flaws in others, they feel superior. It’s like they’re saying, “Look how much better I am!”
This behavior can be really hurtful. It might make you wonder if they talk about you the same way when you’re not around. Trust your gut if this feels wrong to you.
Remember, healthy relationships are built on respect – for you and for others. If your partner can’t be kind to people, it’s a sign something’s not right.
6) Love-Bombing and then Withdrawing
Watch out for a partner who showers you with affection at first. They might say “I love you” really fast or give you lots of gifts. This is called love-bombing.
But then, boom! They suddenly pull away. One day they’re all over you, the next they’re cold as ice. It’s like emotional whiplash.
Why do they do this? It’s a trick to keep you hooked. They want you to chase after their love and approval. It’s not healthy.
You might feel confused and upset when they withdraw. You’ll wonder what you did wrong. But it’s not your fault. It’s their way of controlling you.
Do you find yourself always trying to get back to those early lovey-dovey days? That’s exactly what they want. It keeps you stuck in their game.
Remember, real love is steady. It doesn’t come in extreme ups and downs. If you spot this pattern, it’s a big red flag.
7) Inability to Handle Criticism
Do you know someone who can’t take even the tiniest bit of criticism? It might be a sign you’re dealing with a narcissist. These folks often see any feedback as a personal attack.
When you point out something they did wrong, they might explode with anger. Or they might turn it around and blame you instead. It’s like they’re wearing armor made of pride.
Narcissists think they’re perfect. So when you suggest they’re not, it rocks their world. They might pout, give you the silent treatment, or lash out.
Have you ever felt like you’re walking on eggshells around someone? That’s often how it feels with a narcissist. You’re afraid to say anything that might upset them.
They might also fish for compliments to soothe their bruised ego. “You don’t really think I did that wrong, do you?” they might ask, hoping you’ll take it back.
Remember, healthy relationships involve give and take. If you can’t give honest feedback without fear, it’s a red flag. You deserve someone who can handle the truth, even when it’s not pretty.
8) Unrealistic Fantasies of Success
Are you dating someone who always talks about their big dreams? It’s great to have goals, but watch out for red flags. A narcissist might brag about becoming a millionaire or a famous celebrity.
They might say things like, “I’m going to be the next Elon Musk!” But they don’t have a real plan to get there. They just expect success to magically happen.
These fantasies aren’t based on reality. Your partner might claim they’re destined for greatness without putting in the work. They may even expect you to support them while they chase these dreams.
Be careful if your date talks about wild success but never takes action. It could be a sign they’re more interested in the idea of being special than actually achieving something.
Do they get angry when you question their plans? That’s another warning sign. A healthy partner would be open to feedback and willing to discuss their goals realistically.
Remember, there’s nothing wrong with having big dreams. The problem comes when those dreams are all talk and no action. Keep an eye out for this behavior in your relationship.
9) Using Others for Personal Gain
Narcissists are experts at using people for their own benefit. They see others as tools to get what they want. Have you noticed your partner always asking for favors but rarely returning them?
This behavior goes beyond normal give-and-take in relationships. Narcissists may befriend people just because they have money or connections. They might use charm to get their way at work or in social situations.
You might feel like your partner only calls when they need something. Maybe they expect you to drop everything to help them, but disappear when you need support.
Watch out for someone who brags about “networking” but really means using people. They may keep a mental list of who can help them climb the social or career ladder.
Does your partner often name-drop or brag about who they know? This could be a sign they value people for status, not genuine friendship.
Pay attention if they seem to lose interest in people who can’t do anything for them anymore. True friends stick around even when there’s nothing to gain.
10) Always the Center of Attention
Do you know someone who always steals the spotlight? They might be a narcissist. These people crave attention like a plant needs sunlight.
At parties, they’re the loudest voice in the room. They’ll tell wild stories or make bold statements just to get people looking their way.
Have you ever tried to share good news with them? They’ll find a way to turn the conversation back to themselves. Your promotion becomes a chance for them to brag about their own career.
They love to name-drop and show off. Your date might casually mention their celebrity connections or expensive purchases. It’s all about impressing others.
When they’re not the focus, they get antsy. They might interrupt others or change the subject to something they can dominate. It’s exhausting for everyone else.
Watch out for attention-seeking behavior on social media too. Constant selfies and boastful posts are red flags.
Remember, healthy relationships involve give and take. If your partner always needs to be in the spotlight, it might be time to step back and think about what you need.
11) “I only care about myself” – Anonymous
Ever heard those words from someone you’re dating? It’s a big red flag. Narcissists often say things like this, even if they try to hide it at first.
They might brag about how selfish they are. Or they could joke about not caring what others think. Either way, it’s not good news for you.
Why? Because relationships need give and take. If your partner only cares about themselves, where does that leave you?
You might notice other signs too. Do they always talk about their own problems? Do they ignore your needs? These are clues that you’re dealing with a narcissist.
Remember, you deserve someone who cares about you too. Don’t settle for less. If you keep hearing “I only care about myself,” it might be time to rethink things.
Think about how this affects you. Are you always putting their needs first? Do you feel ignored or unimportant? These feelings are valid and worth paying attention to.
12) Jealousy and Envy when Others Succeed
Does your partner get grumpy when you share good news? They might be a narcissist. Narcissists can’t stand it when others do well.
When you get a promotion, do they rain on your parade? Instead of being happy for you, they might try to one-up you or change the subject.
Watch out for comments like “You just got lucky” or “It’s not that big of a deal.” These put-downs show they’re jealous of your success.
Narcissists often feel threatened when others shine. They want all the attention on them. If your achievements make them sulk or lash out, it’s a red flag.
Do they get extra competitive with your friends? Narcissists may try to outdo others or brag about their own accomplishments to feel superior.
Pay attention to how they react when you’re in the spotlight. A healthy partner will cheer you on, not try to steal your thunder.
13) Ignores Boundaries
Does your partner barge into your room without knocking? Do they read your texts or emails without asking? These are signs they don’t respect your boundaries.
Narcissists often act like your personal space is theirs too. They might go through your things or show up at your work unannounced. It’s like they think they own you!
You might tell them to stop, but they keep doing it anyway. They brush off your feelings and say you’re being too sensitive. It’s not okay.
Healthy relationships need boundaries. Your partner should respect your privacy and personal space. If they don’t, it’s a big red flag.
Remember, you have the right to set limits. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for having boundaries. Your comfort matters!
14) “I’m better than everyone” – Anonymous
Do you know someone who thinks they’re the best at everything? They might be a narcissist. These people believe they’re smarter, more talented, and more important than others.
You’ll hear them brag about their skills all the time. They’ll say things like “No one can do this job as well as I can” or “I’m the most attractive person in the room.”
Narcissists often look down on others. They may make fun of people they see as “below” them. This helps them feel even better about themselves.
They struggle to admit when they’re wrong. If you point out a mistake, they’ll likely get angry or make excuses. In their minds, they can’t be wrong because they’re so amazing.
Watch out for people who always need to be the center of attention. They might interrupt others or try to one-up everyone’s stories. It’s all about being seen as the best.
15) Passive-Aggressive Behavior
Does your partner give you the silent treatment when they’re upset? This is a classic passive-aggressive move. They might also make sarcastic comments or “forget” to do things you’ve asked.
Passive-aggressive people don’t deal with anger directly. Instead, they find sneaky ways to show it. Your partner might agree to plans but then show up late on purpose. Or they could say “fine” when asked if something’s wrong, even though it clearly isn’t.
You might feel like you’re walking on eggshells around them. It’s hard to know what will set them off next. They might gossip about you to others instead of talking to you face-to-face.
Watch out for backhanded compliments too. “You look nice today… for once” is not a real compliment. It’s meant to make you feel bad.
Passive-aggressive behavior can be confusing and frustrating. It’s a sign that your partner struggles to communicate openly and honestly. If this sounds familiar, it might be time to have a serious talk about healthy communication.
16) Quick to Blame Others
Narcissists hate taking responsibility for their mistakes. They’ll point fingers at everyone but themselves when things go wrong.
Ever noticed your partner always has an excuse? It’s never their fault, always someone else’s. This is a big red flag.
They might blame you for problems in your relationship. “If you weren’t so sensitive, we wouldn’t fight,” they might say. Or they’ll accuse coworkers of sabotaging their work when they mess up.
Narcissists can’t handle criticism. They see it as a personal attack. So they deflect blame to protect their fragile ego.
This behavior can make you feel like you’re always walking on eggshells. You might start to doubt yourself and your own judgment.
Remember, healthy partners own up to their mistakes. They don’t constantly shift blame onto others. If your partner never takes responsibility, it might be time to reconsider the relationship.
17) Inconsistent Behavior
Dating a narcissist can be like riding a roller coaster. One day they’re sweet and loving, the next they’re cold and distant. This flip-flopping can leave you confused and anxious.
You might notice your partner’s mood changes quickly. They can go from praising you to criticizing you in a heartbeat. It’s hard to predict how they’ll act from one moment to the next.
Their promises often don’t match their actions. They might say they’ll do something special for you, then forget or make excuses. You never know if you can count on them.
Their opinions can change without warning too. One day they love your favorite restaurant, the next day they hate it. It feels like you’re always walking on eggshells.
This inconsistency can make you doubt yourself. You might wonder if you did something wrong or if you’re remembering things correctly. It’s not you – it’s their unpredictable nature at work.
18) Inability to Build Genuine Connections
Narcissists struggle to form real bonds with others. They often see people as objects to use for their own gain. This makes it hard for them to create deep, lasting friendships or romantic relationships.
You might notice your partner doesn’t have many close friends. They may talk about lots of acquaintances, but no one they truly confide in. This could be a red flag.
In your relationship, you might feel like something’s missing. Even after spending lots of time together, you don’t feel truly close. It’s like there’s an invisible wall between you.
Narcissists tend to keep conversations shallow. They avoid talking about feelings or personal topics. When you try to open up, they might change the subject or seem bored.
You might also notice they don’t remember important things about you. Your likes, dislikes, or life events seem to go in one ear and out the other. This shows they’re not really listening or caring about you as a person.
Do you feel like you’re always giving and they’re always taking? This one-sided dynamic is common with narcissists. They struggle to empathize or think about your needs.
19) Obsessed with Their Appearance
Do you feel like you’re dating a real-life Instagram filter? Narcissists are often super focused on how they look. They spend ages getting ready and can’t pass a mirror without checking themselves out.
These folks are always fishing for compliments about their appearance. They might ask you, “How do I look?” or “Don’t you think I’m hot?” way too often. It’s like they need constant reassurance.
Narcissists may also criticize how others look. They might make mean comments about people’s weight, clothes, or hair. This helps them feel superior.
Watch out if your date is always taking selfies or asking you to take pictures of them. They might care more about capturing the perfect shot than enjoying the moment with you.
Some narcissists even get plastic surgery or use lots of beauty treatments. They’re trying to reach an impossible standard of perfection. This obsession with looks can be exhausting for their partners.
20) Manipulative Perfectionist
Do you feel like nothing you do is ever good enough? A narcissist might set impossibly high standards for you. They want to keep you off balance and feeling inadequate.
This perfectionist attitude isn’t about helping you grow. It’s a way to control you. They might nitpick your appearance, work, or hobbies. Their goal? To make you doubt yourself.
Remember, their standards are often unrealistic. They might change the rules on you too. What was “perfect” yesterday suddenly isn’t good enough today.
This behavior can leave you feeling confused and anxious. You might start second-guessing everything you do. That’s exactly what they want.
Don’t fall for this trick. Your best is good enough. A healthy partner supports your growth without tearing you down.
21) Lacks Genuine Regret for Wrongdoing
Have you ever noticed your partner never seems truly sorry when they mess up? This could be a big red flag. Narcissists often struggle to feel real remorse for their actions.
When you confront them about their mistakes, they might brush it off or make excuses. They rarely take full responsibility or show sincere regret. Instead, they might try to shift blame onto you or others.
You might hear things like “I’m sorry you feel that way” instead of a genuine apology. This shows they’re more concerned with how they look than how their actions affected you.
Even if they do say sorry, watch their actions. Do they keep repeating the same hurtful behavior? That’s a sign their apology wasn’t sincere.
Remember, everyone makes mistakes. But a healthy partner will own up to them and try to do better. If your partner can’t do that, it might be time to rethink things.
22) Uses Childish Tantrums to Get Their Way
Ever dated someone who acts like a toddler when they don’t get what they want? That’s a big red flag! Narcissists often use tantrums to control others and get their way.
You might see them yell, cry, or even throw things when things don’t go as planned. It’s like dealing with a 2-year-old in an adult’s body. Not fun!
These outbursts can happen anywhere – at home, in public, or even at work. They don’t care who sees or hears them. It’s all about getting what they want.
When you try to calm them down, they might blame you for their behavior. “Look what you made me do!” Sound familiar? That’s not okay.
Healthy adults talk things out when they’re upset. They don’t scream or break stuff. If your partner acts like this, it’s time to think about your safety and well-being.
23) Disregards Rules and Social Norms
Ever notice your date acting like they’re above the law? Narcissists often think rules don’t apply to them. They might cut in line, ignore speed limits, or park in handicap spots.
You might see them breaking social norms too. They could talk loudly in quiet places or make rude comments without caring how others feel. It’s like they have their own rulebook.
This behavior can be embarrassing for you. You might find yourself always apologizing for their actions. It’s not your job to clean up their messes!
Watch out for how they treat service workers. Do they snap their fingers at waiters or demand special treatment? That’s a big red flag.
Remember, everyone should follow basic rules and respect others. If your date can’t do that, it might be time to rethink things. You deserve someone who acts like a grown-up!
24) Frequently Requires Flattery
Do you find yourself constantly praising your partner? Narcissists crave admiration like a plant needs water. They’ll fish for compliments and expect you to shower them with praise.
You might notice your partner fishing for compliments. They’ll make statements like “Don’t I look amazing today?” or “I’m the best at this, right?” It’s their way of seeking validation.
Narcissists often react poorly if you don’t provide the flattery they want. They might become moody, withdrawn, or even angry if you don’t feed their ego regularly.
This need for constant praise can be exhausting. You may feel like you’re always walking on eggshells, trying to boost their self-esteem. It’s not your job to be their personal cheerleader 24/7.
Watch out for partners who can’t handle constructive criticism. If they lash out when you’re not singing their praises, it’s a red flag. A healthy relationship involves give and take, not just one-sided adoration.
25) Aliens Friends and Family
Have you noticed your partner keeps you away from your loved ones? They might be trying to control who you spend time with. This is a big red flag in relationships.
Narcissists often try to cut off their partners from friends and family. They want to be the only important person in your life. This helps them keep power over you.
Why do they do this? They’re scared of losing control. Your friends and family might see through their act. They don’t want anyone else influencing you or giving you support.
Watch out if your partner always has reasons why you shouldn’t see your loved ones. Do they make you feel guilty for spending time with others? That’s not okay.
Healthy relationships let you keep your own life and friendships. Your partner should want you to have a support system. If they try to isolate you, it’s time to rethink things.
Trust your gut. If something feels off about how your partner treats your relationships, listen to that feeling. You deserve to have people who care about you in your life.
Understanding Narcissism
Narcissism is a complex personality trait that can have a big impact on relationships. Let’s take a closer look at what it means and how to spot it.
What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition. People with NPD have an inflated sense of self-importance. They need constant praise and attention. They lack empathy for others.
NPD affects about 1% of the population. It’s more common in men than women. The exact cause is unknown, but it may be linked to childhood experiences.
People with NPD often:
- Think they’re better than everyone else
- Expect special treatment
- Get upset when they don’t get their way
- Take advantage of others
Common Traits of Narcissists
Narcissists have some key traits that you can spot:
- Self-centered: They always put themselves first.
- Charming: They can be very likable at first.
- Controlling: They try to make decisions for you.
- Jealous: They get upset when you spend time with others.
- Blame others: They never take responsibility for mistakes.
Narcissists often struggle with criticism. They may lash out if you disagree with them. They might also try to make you feel bad about yourself.
It’s important to know these signs. If you see them in your partner, it might be time to rethink your relationship.
Impact on Relationships
Dating a narcissist can really mess up your love life. It’s not just annoying – it can cause real damage.
Emotional Consequences
Loving a narcissist often leaves you feeling drained and sad. You might start to doubt yourself. Your self-esteem can take a big hit. Many people feel anxious or depressed in these relationships.
You may find yourself walking on eggshells, scared to upset your partner. This constant stress can wear you down over time. Some people lose touch with friends and family as the narcissist demands all their attention.
It’s common to feel confused and question your own reality. Narcissists are good at twisting things around. You might end up apologizing even when you did nothing wrong.
Manipulative Behavior
Narcissists use sneaky tricks to control you. They might give you the silent treatment when you don’t do what they want. Or they could blow up in anger to scare you into obeying.
They often use guilt to get their way. A common line they use is, “If you really loved me, you’d do this…” They may threaten to leave to make you panic and give in to their demands.
Narcissists are masters at making everything your fault. They rarely take blame for anything. This can leave you feeling crazy and unsure of yourself.
They might act super sweet one minute, then turn cold the next. This keeps you off balance and desperate for their approval.
